Fifteen.

Happy Birthday, Dear Hayani!

You are 15 now. I'd expect you to love yourself more. But that expectation might end up in the midst of a black hole. So I ORDER you to be happy. If you don't then, you're a skunk and will probably end up a single old hag with twenty-seven cats. So There!

P.S : I don't think I'll be able to buy you that 'Nike Lunarglide+' That you wanted. Sorry =(

Hayani's Bitter Life ; Act VII

Quotation. =)

Bitterness. As the last PMR paper was taken from my hand.
I felt a slight pain. Everything I've worked for.
All those long and short hours of studying. Done.
That's it. Poof. I don't need them anymore.
Hmmm.. I wonder if it was worth it.
Copyrighted ~hayani

ALTRUISM! IM A WEINER! Cute twin and Retard twin. XD

hi mahirah;

'hi HAHA,how are you,retard twin? :D'

I love trees. and I love food. *tummy rumbling*
IWANTFOOD!

'why don't you take a bath and clean yourself NOW?'
and we can eat after that(!)

Speak for yourself, cute twin. =.=" pfft.

WHATEVS *bimbo smile :D*

Whatever biatch. XD

'That's the worst comeback eveeeer :D'

Pfft. homo. TREEESS!

lol,you got a gay boyfriend which is justin bieber

Yeah well, You've got a punk for bitch which is Oliver sykes.

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU :*

You fucked me then YOu kiss me?? *no comment*

'i love you no matter what,biiiiiiii-atch'

duuuhhh.. I'm your twin. XD (GO SAVE TREES!)

naaaaaah,

Lets go eat.

now?

Brush teeth 1st laaa ish3

FO' SHO

I love sho! XD

Damn you Sejarah!!!

Refering to the title, sejarah was anything but easy.

I felt soo hopeless while answering the questions using logic. The questions were detailed and as natasha said, weird. Only the unexpected came out. None of which were undetailed was in a funny way easy.

so, the conclusion is, the PMR sejarah paper of 2009 was/is hard, weird and funny.

In other news, the mathematics paper was fine. I thought i wouldn't be able to do some questions but nothing i couldn't do came out. I'm very thankful of that (alhamdulilah).

Tomorrow holds only one challenge. Which is the Living skills paper (KH) hopefully I'll be able to pull through. =)

Thats all for now. Tata.

PMR 2009!

It's here!! haha. I don't feel anything.

Bahasa Melayu = crap.
Agama = Okay laaa
English 1 = Normal (easy)
English 2 = Not bad. :)
Science 1 = Damn easy.
Science 2 = ah fuck it.
Geography = Okay laaa

I LOVE TREES!!!!! TO all FORM 3 students!! Please (if you can) give me your Pmr question papers... I wanna recycle them. OR you can recycle them yourselves. =)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!!

Forgive me if I've done wrong!

AND

If you're free on the 26th of september which is this saturday, come to my house!

The celebration starts at 8pm to 12am. The fireworks'll start at about 9.30pm.

I'm making Brownies, Carrot cake and cupcakes. My mum will be making the rest. =D

My lips are sealed XD

Why am I annoyingly in love with you.
Is it because you make my world meaningful,
I wish I had the courage to say I love you,
And that you are perfect and wonderful.

Courage, is what I lack,
To face you I’d need a smack,
I know you don’t love me,
But somehow my heart is not free.

Now and forever, will I love you,
I find this so comprehensibly true,
You will never know how I feel,
Because now and forever, my lips are sealed.
copyrighted ~hayani
http://www.deviantart.com/



A brainwave. While listening to someone talk. Yup. I know I write to much about how other people feel especially on the 'Love' subject.. It's because my love emotion ran away from me. XD
so I don't feel I see and hear. =)

Past Present and Future.

When I think of the past; I feel sad,
All my former glories and good times I had,
When I think of the present; I feel bad,
To think ; I have a really bad dad.

But when,

I think of the future ; I see hope,
I see the person I should and will be,
So here's a toast to the future,
For it is then; Will I be free.
Copyrighted 2009 ~hayani
http://www.deviantart.com/

Inspired by listening to someone talk.. I forgot who..

I'm sorry..

Today was hell.

My mum forgot about my guitar class and I tak dapat pergi.
I was Damn pissed off mann.. Guitaring (next to poetry) keeps my sane!
I cranky the whole fucking day. The effects are still visible.

My cousins and Uncle Hashim came today. Imagine 9 Girls in from the age 2 to 15. I was the odd one. I wore all black whereas the 8 of them wore pick. I dislike pink.

I had an Argument with a new friend of mine. I said his name wrongly. He corrected me. And being cranky I said that I don't care. So if you know who you are.. I am so so so so so so so so terribly sorry. I hope to earn your clarity in the future.

Dear Mother.

You needn't lie to me,

Your intentions were too clear,

You wanted to see him,

Just for that; my heart you smear.

Dear Mother; can't you see?

All the pain you're giving me,

Can't you see it in my eyes,

Or do you prefer to believe my lies.

With this pen, I write,

Always hoping to see; light,

But you condemn me by not caring,

Unlike other mothers who are loving.

Dear mother; I wonder why,

Why do you believe my lies,

Aren't you a mother who can see,

All my lies right through me.

Everyday, I experience suffering,

As I go through life without understanding,

I wonder when; you'll ask, How am I,

I guess it's not going to happen; that's not a lie.

Dear mother; Who am I?

A question that makes me want to die,

This burden is too heavy to carry,

You should answer it before you're sorry.

Written by ~hayani
Copyrighted by deviantart

11.36am. 27th of August. A boring day.

Heifer, conflagrant, concour, marred, repentance, counterintuitive, resilient.
English words are confusing aren't they? For instance why is "the" said as "de" and not "tee".
I suppose thats why is it porclaimed one of the most difficult language in the world.

In other news, my friend Allisha Azlan , 16, has been accepted to the United World College. Congratulaitions to her. She has been studying ever so hard to get in. Good luck in everything you do Allisha!

It's the hols. It's the month of ramadan. MOVIE TIME! So far I've watched G.I Joe, UP, Land of the lost and Aliens in the attic. Any recommendations from anyone about what I should watch next??

Modern times and past times.

I won 2 medals(1 Gold, 1 Silver) and thousands of bruises from the Karate Competition. Both of the events I took part in, was sparring.



Okay... So.. I got a gold medal.. that was one of my aim for this year.. yet my mother doesn't care. What does she care about??! For god sake. I have to stop worrying about what my mother thinks right??



Damn my family.



In other cases, I've learned what it's like to hate and be hated. I hate Typical malays. M0st of them are idiots. Just because I'm more open minded than they are. I've started writing again. I'll post a poem up soon. Patience is a virtue.

Thank you for caring Mahirah. Your benevolent thoughts are deeply reliefing.

Long time.

It has been a long time since I've posted anything. I believe it is simply because I do not have the time or I don't feel like surfing the net. What with PMR in 63 days I have a lot of studying to do and a lot of stress to confront.

I went to the spa today. =) I skipped school today.=( I coughed a lot today. =( I coughed out blood today. =(

1 pros and 3 cons. Not bad for a day eh?

As for my writing, I've been scribbling a lot of nonsense lately. I know no one reads my blog but I'm embaressed to post them. To let myself read it again is like reading an essay written by an illitrate nut or as the british say,an Anorak.

Last, I have been thinking of how empty my life is. I wonder how it got this way. I wonder how a happy nut turn into a miserable shell . Yes, I've been philosophical too lately. XD It is unfortunately unavoidable. So bear with it.

Right. That's all I'm willing to share.

Your very own miserable nut,

-hayani-

Giving it a go.

Michael's song

You've left us to be with god,

You've left before your salvation was sought,

I'll never forget the second you died,

Because along with you the music died.



You were great and untouchable,

Your music was and still is invincible,

You'll always live in my heart and soul,

And your music will never get too old.



A hundred years from now the world will age,

While music will still remain unchanged,

When they wonder about you life's struggles and where you belonged,

Only then will they realise; you've left them your life's song.
Copyrighted ~hayani

I Love Michael Jackson.
And I will always Love him.

Happy Birthday, Dear Mother!

Dear mum,

You are getting old but as you say, Age is JUST a number.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!!!!

-hayani-

The land of The rising sun. =)

From my previous post You should know that I went to Japan Skipped 3 days of school + 1 = 4 days. I didn't go to school today coz' mum forbid me from going. =) Here are 2 pictures I'd like to share <3

A secret I shall keep. =)

(Me, Hannah, Sho Kotake and Nayli)

I didn't fight with her =) <3>

I've always loved Japan but going there with my family somehow dropped the pleasure meter.. But when I met Sho everything was better because he made it less suck-ish by letting us (nayli and I) make him look like a girl.. He damn pretty weyh.. He said that he's prettier than I am. =.= Kudos to him for being brave enough to say something like that. XD

Pretty Right?

(sho)

The Day The music Died..

As Most of you already know.. The legendary Mikhail Jackson better known as Micheal Jackson has left us on the 25th of June 2009 at 2.02pm American time.

I do not have the words to express how devastated I was and still am. As he, Micheal, was one of my heroes. I cannot write much today as I have to leave in a few minutes to Japan so I will continue whenever I have the chance to. =) Thank God, Thank you & Peace out.

Wish.

I wish I had a best friend,

Who me, she understands,

On each other we'll always depend,

A bond of a new blend.



I wish I had a good family,

Who understands and doesn't abhor me,

We'll go to zoos, museums and parks,

I might be happy and never dark.



I wish to be a good student,

So I shan't be labeled as incompetent,

I'd score straight A's and be called a genius,

And I won't be silly but serious.



I've wished to have everything I don't,

I've wished to be everything I'm not,

For them to be granted it a stupid thought,

I wish I wasn't stupid and my salvation to be sought.

Copyright ~hayani

Japan!

Prepare for hyper-ness!!


I'm going to japan. I'm going to JAPAN! I'm going to Japan this friday after the HERMINE BBQ.
I'm going to Japan on MH 888 at 11.35pm. YAY!!!!!

Taka-chan! Chotto Matte! I'm coming HOME!! =)
Minna-san, Nihongo hanase masuka?
iie. Zen zen wakarimasen.
Baka.
Hakuchi.
jiamata.


oh and laura is quarantined cause the girl from SK Assunta 2 (who might or might not have H1N1) is in her van.

Excited-ness..XD

I am quite excited for tomorow and yet, I don't know why XD

Well maybe because I'm going to SUC tomorow.. I get a certificate for going. It will have Oxford's and Cambrige's name on it! yay...

I'm facing a huge HUGE problem. I can't write poems anymore.. I can make a verse, but I can't make up another verse the relates to the first verse. It's would turn up like a nonsensical and non-understandable poem. crap... I'm losing my life.

-Hayani-

Alone.

Alone I sit,
Alone I cry,
Alone I whilt,
Waving goodbye...
Copyrighted ~hayani 2008 -2009


Not everyone understands what its like to be alone.
But me, I understand. I feel it every second.
Being lonely is such a misery.
Misery is such a mystery...

-hayani-

17 Again.

In the movie '17 Again' Zac efron looked gay'er than ever. I mean seriously sometimes he looks like a meterosexual fag(no offence to zac lovers) its just what I think.

He looks like the type of person who would wear a pink tutu just because he felt like it. But who am I to judge a person for his meterosexuality right?? afterall I am a fan of the one and only awesome Adam Lambert and he's gay. =)

Oh by the way, I'm a confirmed emo... I'm a stereotype. emo-ness.

Lust.

Lust

Why am I so annoyingly inlove with you?

Is it because you make my life meaningful?

I really wish I had the courage to say I love you,

And that you are perfect and wonderful.



But pathetically, Courage is what I lack,

To face you, I'd need a smack,

I know that you don't love me,

But Somehow my heart isn't free.



Now and forever will I love you,

I find this so comprehensively true,

You will never know how I feel,

Because now and forever my lips are sealed.

and I go on and on and on... =.=

F*ck laaa... VICCB damn awesome..

Anyway.. here's a new verse:

I need a solution,

To cure my deppression,

To stop my obsession,

Of self annihalation..

~hayani

I need that I really do..... I regret cutting myself. =)

Victoria Instituition Centenial Tattoo. =)

31st May 2009

After posting a stupid post. XD
I went work... Working happens to be DAMN tiring weyh...
But at least get I get paid right??

Got of work at 7pm. Mum picked me up!
Went home and got ready.
Arrived at VI at 8pm

Looked for 'daddy'.
Daddy Zee had to do 'work' ahahahah
so me and my mum sat RIGHT INFRONT!!
Can see everything without people blocking awesome!

The first performance was from the VI cadet corps band BAGPIPES and DRUM section.
(Those @ssholes can play bagpipes!) @.@
Then... this random indonesian school band called DC 7 from bandung. Not bad laaa. better than Assunta's *ahem* Lousy *ahem * band.

Followed by The Drums and BAGPIPES section of the ST. JOHN's band!!!! yay!!! XD
The St. Johns Bagpipers were smoother than The VI bagpipers. (expected!)
mum was like "GO ST.JOHN!" all the VI guys were like "wtf?!".

Then there was this stupid dance thingy from the YMCA scottish dance club and a pair of twins from new zealand. Their performance was unattractive and quite boring. then performance from the army band.

The best part was the The showdown! Between the Drums section of the VICCB and DC7.
DAMN AWESOME!!! The victorians seriously provoked them. At last DC7 raised the white flag. XD

Then .. blah blah blah blah... The final performance was from The Victoria Institution Cadet Corps Centennial Band! Holy Shit they were AWESOME! The played The soundtrack from Puteri Gunung Ledang F&*K Bulu roma naik siott.. there were like almost 6 conductors. Oh my god i can't the words to explain it. They were just ABSOULUTELY marvelous, Stupendous, Fantastic, Superb. Wow-ing, Supercalifragilisticexialidoxious!

The AMB doesn't even have 1% of the VICCB's Awesome-ness XD (sorry). Well, afterall, VCCB The best millitary band in the world. How can I compare them... Alright.. enough. typing...

If you don't believe how awesome they are Click ---> http://www.imeem.com/songsfromme/music/epCCHsjQ/victoria-institution-cadet-corp-band-tanah-pusaka/

~hayani

In my lonely darkness.

In my Lonely Darkness,

Shall I stray,

Suffering from the emptiness,

That haunts me everyday.

Copyright ~hayani

hayani.deviantart.com

Victoria Instituition Carnival! and some other crap

Woke up at 9am... Mum wasn't home yet.

Got ready. Nayli went to her Piano class...

Picked up nayli at 1 pm with mum.

Then Went to the VI Carnival!.

First thing I did there was look for Zee, my daddy. =)

I found my daddy being metrosexual. lol

He was at the fish spa booth ( can you believe they have a fish spa booth!)

Left him there. Then mum and I walked around.

We saw her client... =.=

Surprisingly.... VI has their own swimming pool. @.@

Daddy found us while we were loitering around near the library. lol

Then we saw uncle Kenny! Zee was like yOu know him??

I said yea! He's mums collegue. He was shocked.

Coz' it turns out his dad is Uncle kenny's good friend.

ahah what a coincidence! thenn... my great

Mum was tired so she sat. She told me and Zee to go have fun without her.

WE WERE DELIGHTED!!

So me and daddy went to the haunted house.. with his friends

Poor ghosts they went through hell.

Instead of being scared I laughed the whole time.. XD

When one of the ghost tried to scare me by pulling my shirt, I exclaimed,

"Stop molesting me you ghost!" After that remark obviously everyone was laughing like mad!

After the ghost house we walked about.

walk and walk and walk.

I was wearing heels I HATE HEELS!!

CURSE THE PERSON WHO INVENTED THEM!

I love walking but the heels made it hard. =.=

Then There was this BIG mirror near the hall.

Being metrosexual.... my daddy went to the mirror, checked his hair, checked his outfit. XD

Worse than girls..ahaha!

Then we walked some more then finally went down.

said goodbye to daddy's friends ( who is now friends too)

then went back to mum.

Mum wanted to go home so we left .

Knowing that tomorow were coming again for the band tattoo. WOOT!

Went home Uncle hashim was there with aunty emma and SARAH!

Hannah and sarah played with the cats . They were sooooo cute

We watched Underworld!

I like Lycans...

Then they went home. Mum went out with nayli and hannah.

and I went to sleep.

This was all yesterday! ahahah.

I'm going to work now. Toddles!

Middle of the night.

It's 1 am and I can't sleep... So i wrote.. I don't have a tittle for it yet..

You can cut your hair,

You can wear all black,

But, won't you be in despair?

And at last ; know what you lack?

Though you cut yourself with glass, blades and knivies,

You can't feel the physical pain,

You want to throw away your life,

But what will you gain?

-hayani-

Mixed Feelings..

What a Tiring day I had! It was like a bomb! 1st it was school. then movies with Kak Awanis then Aunty Dina's birthday party... SO tired!

Anyways, during english, as usual teacher let me sit where ever I wanted in the AV room cause of my 'excellent' english marks. XD

Previta was sitting next to me. As usual that talented retard was drawing away. Then I suddenly spat out a rhymn..

Lies might consume my faith in you,

But it shall never consume my love for you.

Previta was like 'whoaaa, you asshole you can make a poem by just thinking of something' <--was her first line then she said ' I don't like you, you're too good'.

I thought that the two lines was nothing. Afterall, it's not even a verse. I need to add two more lines... but maybe I should let it be.. What do you think?

After school, I went home. Bathed and got ready to go out with Kak Awanis. We went to Mid valley to watch X men origins : Wolverine.

I thought the movie was somehow empty.. I guess it was suppose to be that way as Logans' memories got wiped out. lol anyway, after the movie i went back home.

Went to Bukit kiara equestrian club and celebrated Aunty Dina's Birthday at the Oriental Pearl reataurant in the Club.. She seemed to enjoy. So no complains here. ^.^

1st Post. of mimes and limes =)

I don't know what to write here (seriously)..


Anyway, a teacher of mine(Mr. Amin) requested that I make a blog to post most of my poetry. So here I am. =)



I must warn you, my poetry is not very good and at times it is harsh and irrasional. Do look at my poetry as abstract. Sometimes one verse covers a whole chapter. And now do read about how I feel about my life. enjoy =)

Of Mimes & Limes

I feel so useless all the time,
Just like a failing mime,
My act and jigs aren't worth a dime,
My life if like a rotten lime.

I travel around and give shows,
My face is painted in Black and white,
My pale face, as pale as snow,
My lips so Black until it glows.

Black & white are my custom colors,
It's not just my work that it matches,
White, I can be so kind and bright,
Black, As depressed as a dyke.

I feel so useless all the time,
Just like a failing mime,
My act and jigs aren't worth a dime,
My life is like a rotten lime

I smile, because I have too,
Not because I want to,
Some people think it’s scary,
But it's just fake and empty

People everywhere be glad,
You care for each other,
You love each other,
But me, I'm just another loner...

-END-

Written by ~hayani <---That's me!

(This poem is copy-righted by www.deviantart.com)